I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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