my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
NoShamevember. You game?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
