Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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