You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
