jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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