is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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