but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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