i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
