She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
