i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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