I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
