Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
