this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
