just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize