We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
