Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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