i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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