am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
