So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
