This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
