first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
