I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
