Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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