I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish you could order shots online.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
