id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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