I cannot find my penis.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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