Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
