i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
