ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
