On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
