Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
