the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
