im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize