Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
