No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
