Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
