I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it because I queefed?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
