hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
