I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I forget how to act sober
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
