I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He kissed a someone with a penis
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
