i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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