Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
