i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
