I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
