Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
