she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
