u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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