i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
sarcasm needs its own font
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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