your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
