New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
