If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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