You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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