can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
