Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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