Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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