You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just forgot I was standing up.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
