you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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