Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
