I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
