He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
