ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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