my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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