I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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