I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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