How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
