theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
