Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
