I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't turn off my feet"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
