dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize