I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
