I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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